


so hard to say it

by maybemaybenottt



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:54:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28244988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybemaybenottt/pseuds/maybemaybenottt
Summary: Eddie's never been good with words.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 216





	so hard to say it

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Lego House by Ed Sheeran.

Eddie’s never been good with words. He doesn’t know how to take the thoughts that swim around in his head and speak them into existence. How to say those three little words on the tip of his tongue.

So instead he says,

_“There’s no one in this world I trust with my son more than you.”_

He says, 

_“Do you know how much Christopher misses you?”_

Says, 

_“I forgive you.”_

Different phrases, different tones, but all with the same driving force behind them. He uses all these words to dance around what he really wants to say, yet as he stands here, pacing on Buck’s doorstep, he can’t seem to find the nerve to form the ones he really means.

He considers running away. Taking off down the stairs and never even telling Buck that he was here in the first place. But that option is thrown out the window when Buck opens up the door, revealing those warm eyes and that crooked smile that throws Eddie for a loop every time he sees it. 

“You’re a loud thinker,” he says, leaning against the doorframe. “Wanna come in?” He opens the door wider, gesturing for Eddie to step inside. Always so welcoming. Inviting. Always ready to open up for anyone that needs it. For Eddie, most of all. 

The sun is beginning to set in the sky, coming in through the wide windows and casting the room in a dim orange glow. It's quiet. No distant hum from the TV or noise from an open window. Just the sound of Buck's bare feet padding towards the kitchen island. He leans back, bracing himself on the counter behind him, and just looks at Eddie where he's still standing by the door. He gives him a soft, kind smile, indicating that he's there to listen, but in no rush.

Eddie toes off his shoes and moves forward, heart beating in his chest with anticipation. "I don't know why I'm here," he says. "Well, no, I do, I just- don't know why I'm here now."

Why today, of all days, he decided to follow his heart rather than his head. He supposes his feet got tired of the dance routine, and decided to carry him to the place he needed to be.

"You're welcome here anytime, you know that." Buck says, and he does. He's got a key to the place, after all. But that's not really what he means.

"No, I know," he says. 

Eddie moves across the room, towards the huge windows that overlook the city skyline. He can feel Buck's gaze on him as he goes, but he doesn't feel scrutinized. Rather, it's a comfortable weight. Evidence that Buck is listening, but not being pushy. 

"It's funny, you know. I was sitting at home alone after dropping Chris at a friend's house. And I was bored, and lonely. And the first thing I thought to do was come here. I wondered why, for a second. But then I realised it's kind of obvious, isn't it?" He looks back over his shoulder at Buck, who's still leaning against the counter. 

"What is, Eddie?"

"Why this apartment feels so comfortable, second only to my own home."

Buck raises an eyebrow. That smile doesn't leave his face for a second. "Why's that?"

Eddie turns to face Buck fully then, his feet yet again moving on their own accord, finding some secret stash of bravery within him that his brain is never able to reach. 

"Because you made it that way. You let me in without me even having to knock. You invite us over whenever you decide Chris and I need a pick-me-up. Hell, you even have a drawer full of crayons and puzzles and all kinds of crap just so that my son will have something to do whenever he's here." He steps closer, and realises that somehow, Buck has moved closer too, without him even noticing. Naturally. They always seem to gravitate towards each other.

Buck looks like he's starting to understand, but wants to be sure. "So why'd you come here, Eds?"

And those words. Those pesky little words are on the tip of his tongue once again.

"I missed you," he says, but that's not it.

Buck laughs softly. "You saw me at work a few hours ago."

"Yeah, but not- not like this." He sweeps his eyes over his best friend, from his bare feet, to his sweatpants and loose t-shirt, all the way up to his slightly messy, unstyled hair. "Not so… relaxed. Comfortable. Safe."

Buck's gaze seems to soften even more at that last word. He takes yet another step closer. Not far now. "Why are you here?" He repeats.

Eddie moves forward too, feet still following the map his heart is laying out. They can't be more than a foot apart now. "I think we both know," he says quietly. And since he can't seem to get those tiny words out, he decides to let his actions speak instead.

He closes the last bit of distance between them with a kiss. It's soft at first; tentative. Testing the waters to make sure he hasn't misread the situation entirely. But then Buck kisses him back, and he swears he can feel fireworks exploding in his chest. 

One of his hands moves to cup the back of Buck's neck, while the other wraps itself around his wrist, feeling the thrum of Buck's pulse beneath his fingers. He feels the rhythm pick up steadily, and it sends a thrill down his spine to know that he has the same effect on Buck that Buck has on him.

They pull apart after a few moments, breathless and grinning like mad men. They stand pressed against each other with the solid tile floor beneath them, and Eddie can't help but think of the series of important moments that took place in this very room.

_"Pretty sure every kid calls their parent a liar at some point in their lives."_

_"I'm sorry I wasn't there."_

_"Thank you. For not giving up."_

He feels as if they were all building up to this very one. A long, winding, bumpy road that led them here.

He looks into Buck's eyes, and finally, the words come tumbling out.

"I love you," he says, and for once in his life, feels as if his head, heart, and feet are all in the same place at the same time.

He pulls Buck in for another long, lingering kiss, and when he moves back; "I love you too."

Just like that, things fall into place.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> [come find me on tumblr! @deareddie](https://deareddie.tumblr.com/)


End file.
